Les Walker
Digging my way out!
I have gone through every email in my records, both my hotmail, (which I had to add your name to when I emailed you just now) and my other email, neither of which showed any sign of any email attempts from you in recent months. I ALWAYS respond to emails. ALWAYS. Or do my very best. Same with PM's. I went back this year in my SSF pm pages, and saw no pms from you.
So, I am sorry if you have tried to reach me and failed, but you must have used an erroneous email address.
So, I will endeavor to address this, AGAIN, as best I can, for those that have not read it or understand my status. I will be succinct and try not to go on too much about it.
And MacCready, I don't appreciate my life being something of entertainment for you. (the popcorn comment) I am trying like hell to get out of a HORROR quagmire that my life has become, and to read a post like that, makes me realize you must not care. I am trying to get your head done and to you also. I have told you this in a pm and you were very kind. Not sure why my life is an entertainment now for you.
Anyway,
NO REFUNDS. I can't. Due to the fact I filed bankruptcy in August, which cost me thousands to do, money I didn't have then, and am now totally broke and in a state of financial ruin, (I AM trying to find work here locally, still) and as a result of this, I have exactly ten cents in the bank.
I have been trying to figure out how to ship the stuff I have done, and finish and ship the rest. And please note, those that so kindly offer, I NOT TAKE FREEBIES AND/OR GIVEAWAYS, as I will ALWAYS send the work I was paid to do, and not take charity. If you paid, you will receive! I can't let anyone off that hook. Not when it's taken me so long.
It has been a hellish three years for me, and I have contemplated suicide more than once. When I was faced with the very possible notion of losing my entire collection to the bankruptcy trustee, just two short months back, I thought I was going to truly lose my mind. Since then, thanks to the support of friends and family, I got through that horror and am only now close to being sane again. I mean that. Ask anyone that has actually talked to me in recent months and you will get a litany of my extreme mental fatigue. I have been worn down by all this, but I am still here!
I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS! NEVER!
All I want, and I want it more than anything else in my life, is to just BE DONE WITH THIS WORK, GET IT ALL SHIPPED OUT, and NEVER LOOK BACK ON THIS AGAIN!
None of you want your stuff, or money for it, or whatever, more than I want it out of my life! NONE OF YOU!
If I die, how will it get redistributed? How would any of it be returned? It's a convoluted mess for me as is, and I have one member here, one anonymous member, that wants to help me get it all rearranged so I can finish and get it off my back.
I have no wife, no kid, no job, no fun future outlook, no life. NOthing. I just have no money, no credit, and very little else to think of except this mess. Day and night. ALL DAY LONG. And I am trying to get it done.
I finally cleaned up enough to get more of it done than the trickle of flow that was happening. JUST got that one. JUST got to where I can ship one or two things out again, and did. Some of you have stuff recently from me at a time when I have barely had money to live with.
I am trying. It's all I can do.
If you want more, I don't know what to tell you. I am at the bottom here. I have faced hell and am still here. All I can do is try to get it done and out. All. That's all I have left.
If I had had any idea in 2004 what I was setting my self up for, by putting my work and my paints up and out there for all to see, and then get excited and caught up in it, the pull and feel of importance one gets from the "worship" my work originally received, had I known what it would lead to, I would never have shared any of it. It was fun for a time. A short, time. About two to three years. But now, it has been hell for longer and I am broke and busted for it.
Am I am criminal? Now, I no longer know. I guess to some I must be. I was a STUPID artist that had no idea what I was getting myself into.
All I can do is paint and ship. I have no money. BANKRUPT! This has bankrupted me. This whole experience.
I hope that entertains you MacReady. I hope my total failure as an artist and as a person entertains you.
I am going to try to paint some more now. At my table. I will paint throughout Christmas, as most of the seasonal interruptions are over now. I can work again. And when I am done, I will ship and be silent when it is all finished.
I won't be posting again. I will email and PM and send product as best I can. I won't be back.
I do wish all of you the best. I hope you have a Christmas. I literally have no money to buy my own family gifts. I hope I can come up with something. And to those of you writing my efforts off, look for a package soon. I WILL still send you your head(s).
I promised this, and will deliver on it. That is all I have left.
